Baltimorning #02




Triple EP release.  Collection of my 2013-2014 jams.  Thanks to my fans and encouragement.  It means a lot.  I hope you enjoy the songs.


You can enter zero$ on Bandcamp to download for free, but if you feel like paying, please include your mailing address because I will send out physical CDs and artwork and goodies sometime this summer.




Album Art


i knew you had a thing for Cookie Monster
so i bought a recipe book and became a farmer
i grew my own dough with a basket of seeds
and i put ‘em in the oven and i picked up my keys

i knew you were leaving
and i thought a dozen cookies could keep ya
in my town
in my heart
underneath all these stars that i wished upon for you

when i arrived at your house to intrude
there was a uhaul truck and your life in cardboard cubes

i was like “yo— wait— girl i got a suprize for you
"you like Cookie M onster? come back to my place. WOO!"

so we hopped in my car (mercedes)
i didn’t have to drive far (parallel parked )

but when you got there you were way disappointed.

it turned out that you were a diabetic
and you only liked Cookie Monster cuz you are pathetic

you’re not even into muppets
don’t even know who gonzo is.
well suck shit.

Jim Henson’s on the cross
he f’n died for you
and you’re just moving on to austin cuz you heard it’s cool

Jim Henson’s on the cross he f’n died for you
and Cookie Monster was the best you could do?

Album5090 2013 & demodemos
Album Art

It’s 5090 time!!  Fifty songs in ninety days… Here’s my first!

Slow Jams!

cucumber eyes!!!
—what a devilish disguise!
i also wear my hair that way!

new roommate, new favors—
but you say you won’t date neighbors [?]

why aren’t you following your heart?
you’d better or you’ll fall apart!!!!!

i heard your ex call you fucking lunatic
but thru the wall i thought he’d caught you sucking lunar-dick

so i spent that night on the roof with a telescope
and a perverted hope to catch you doing what i now know is
as crazy as the way you is

as crazy as the way you is

don’t you think you and i may be okay to try and see if something might exist between us if the timing is obscene enough?
cuz i’ve seen enough.
have you seen enough?

TitleSlow Jams!
Album5090 demos [2013]
Album Art

"You & Pingu"


i’ll give you one last chance

TitleYou & Pingu
AlbumSlowly Haunted (FAWM 2013 DEMOS)
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"Bitch Cushion"


it’s like i’m walking on coals and they’re not on fire,

but i told them they were and i became a liar,

it felt like embers reaching the sky,

the smoke went in my eyes and i started to cry,

but i didn’t, i didn’t i swear,

the fire wasn’t there,

it took me years to light the coals

and decide that i was completely cold

so i needed to walk on burning fuel

and prove myself to everyone

my soles were burnt and i stood still

my skin melted off and showed my bones

people stared and pointed me out

my body was scarred and broken down

but i didn’t mind, it felt good 

to have a break(down)

bare boned and dumb, blind and down,

i had nothing to say so i could sleep again,

i slept with my eyes open for a week

because that’s how long i felt that way

weak and week passed quick and thin, 

but I woke up in a smoke filled room,

my walls had burnt and my bed was gone,

everything i did was wrong,

but the fire wasn’t there

TitleBitch Cushion
AlbumSlowly Haunted (FAWM 2013 DEMOS)
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"Haunted Goose"

build whatever you can, please,
don’t try making the ends meet.
nothing’s ordinary.

you built a brand new cemetery?

I’m not your friend.
I’m not your brother.
I’m not your dad.
I’m not your teacher.

I’m no different from you, through and through,

This existentialism is your curse.
Where did you hear you’re so diverse?

Who will abandon this first?

TitleHaunted Goose
AlbumSlowly Haunted (FAWM 2013 DEMOS)
Album Art

"My Little Nopy"

TitleMy Little Nopy
AlbumSlowly Haunted (FAWM 2013 DEMOS)
Album Art

"Earth Day Celebration"

collaboration with the super talented Vom Vorton -

(we all spent summer with the…)

we all spent summer with the trees

straight loving us, if Mother Earth was

young enough i’d ask her out and try to

consummate a scheme to protect this green

so our kids could see how similar they are to baby goats

and we’d hate to all grow up without you!

even tho i wondered if your breath

stung back the yellow jacket when you screamed—

credit card to scrape the smell of spring off the spot of the sting 


thank you God

for all this bling!

where would we be without the bloody diamond ring

i had to buy for her to prove that i’m in love?


Danger? What?

Is this a warning of the danger we will find if we remain to live pretending we are blind to the suffering of every living creature and the Earth?

NO! not at all! it’s just an invite to a party to rock the planet and to die before we’re forty!

HEY! —it’s BYOB

so let’s get fucked up!

if i’m still awake you’ll find me shitting in the ocean

or smoking mad trees, burning that shit to the ground

yo ashes to ashes! WOW— look what I found:

under this spot that yesterday was just a nature preserve, there’s a nest of baby eagles and they all got burned!

and they’re still squirming and tweeting; party animal extraordinaire!

'hey— Joey's passed out, stuff the birds down his underwear!'


well, i’m out of cash

and this place is trashed 

so… i’m guessing that i had good time

there’s vomit on my collar

and the sea is covered black

so i’m pretty sure we had a great time

so there’s a haze in the air

and you can’t breathe out there

that’s how you know you had a good time.

if the trees are all cut

and there’s magic marker on your butt

that’s how you know you had a good time

if you have a mouthful of blood

and a brand-new tiger skin rug

you’re pretty certain a good time

you splash your face in the sink

and recall your pets are extinct

that’s how you know you had a good time!

a kangaroo stuffed with birds?

holy shit— that’s absurd!

i guess we really had a good time!

can you believe all we did?

after a party this epic, guess no one else can ever have a good time. D:

TitleEarth Day Celebration
AlbumSlowly Haunted (FAWM 2013 DEMOS)
Album Art

"Straight Up Banal"

—> muh muh muh muh

my best friend died before i ever met him

dropped a knife and cut the pain out of my gut before i wrecked it.

—> indifferent to the solitude u left me


was i looking for a new bat cave?

fuck that, fuck mats, fuck graves;

—> inconsistent but well rounded

can you polish these unfounded

metaphors you think define me at my core?

—> like how the frog he slept all day and lost

the race to bake the cake before the sky

fell in the lake and built the city of 

atlantis long before you woke for dance class


—> dad’s dead and i’m filling up the tub above her head

what’s eating this?

—> fuck matches, it’s the lighter in your purse

that made you think you could control fire when you already could control fire

just by being who you are

~ one of us ~ one of me ~ one of this ~

horton heard a Who

and i thought it was you

~ one of us ~ one of me ~ one of this ~

moses saved a jew

and i thought it was you

~ one of us ~ one of me ~ one of this ~

i guess divinity fell thru

psych — i knew it was you

~ one of us ~ one of me ~ one of this ~


TitleStraight Up Banal
AlbumSlowly Haunted (FAWM 2013 DEMOS)
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we can’t believe that any body has this good.

time is spent in overcoats that miscommunicate the warmth.

and if i left you for dead, i hope understand.

you understand all your riches are within your head and chest, and when you speak out in jest, you’re still speaking nonetheless?

so if you’re still certain that you earned this, and that every body dies, why am i different in your eyes?

do you wonder why The Earth swells and blooms with the sun?

AlbumSlowly Haunted (FAWM 2013 DEMOS)
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"Gchat Enthusiast / Cockelight"

save the Restaurant Week Alchemy

for just a week? who said that squash won’t keep?

i’m looking in your oven for more pancakes but there’s only mice and passive-aggressive neglect will you clean yourself of that?

or will you continue to stink of Rumple Minze and putrid reeking pussing dripping stuffings that i left in you? —JK;

when i say “EW” i’m saying “ooh!”

It took brains to make you into mine.

marble this and marble that i love when you said i’d need a map but there’s no where else i wanna be than lost in your eyes, infinitely teaching me the art of the waterfall bong;

i’d like to share with you how you saved this song: 

“[you] got a bag of lemons, 6 limes (for $3!! ef Wegman’s we’re getting them from the Asian grocer from now on if we can), a bag of juice oranges, a box of clementines, a bag of apples, a bag of pears, 4 rambutans, 5 kiwis, 3 green peppers, and small bag of roma tomatoes”

It took years, but i finally made you mine…

TitleGchat Enthusiast / Cockelight
AlbumSlowly Haunted (FAWM 2013 DEMOS)
Album Art


[instrumental] (for now)

AlbumSlowly Haunted (FAWM 2013 DEMOS)